Ciel in Otakuland
by ohhai
Summary: Sebastian drops Ciel in the middle of an anime con to teach him a lesson. Crack, YAOI, funny. One-shot.


A/N: So the credit for this story idea goes completely to my boyfriend. When we were at Otakon last week, I was talking about the Kuroshitsuji (my newest obsession) fic that I'm working on, he said. "What do you think would happen if Ciel himself was dropped into the middle of Otakon? You should write a story about it." Hilarious idea. I couldn't wait to write it actually. So here I present this crack one-shot depicting that very idea.

Ciel in Otakuland

To be fair, the young earl was slightly distracted. While the nature of the meeting was typical for him; someone from a foreign country begging for The Funtom corporation to invest in their idea, it was the setting that had Ciel unable to be his sharpest. The Polish entrepreneur before him had requested they have their meeting in his room at the inn he was staying at. Less than professional indeed, however Ciel had other matters to attend to in town and didn't have time to hold the meeting at his own estate. He stopped by just to hear the man out.

What had him distracted however was the solicitor's misbehaved young daughter, who was simply climbing over everything in the room, knocking things over, and had finally resorted to playing with the laces on Ciel's boots as the man continued his blathering, seemingly oblivious to his child's behavior. Sebastian, not wanting to scold someone else's child, allowed it to continue, especially since no harm would come to Ciel. Judging by the smirk on Sebastian's face, he seemed to be enjoying watching his young master squirm. It was all too much for Ciel to take in all at once.

"I believe you've changed the terms of your request since we had last conversated over the phone." Ciel stated bluntly, slightly shaking his foot to get the child to hopefully leave him alone.

"I believe the word my master intended to use was _conversed_." Sebastian interjected, smiling with eyes narrowed sarcastically.

Ciel's face instantly turned red with both embarrassment and rage.

_How dare he!_ Ciel thought.

After the meeting was finished, Ciel walked out ahead of Sebastian and said nary a word to him on the trip home, waiting until Sebastian was undressing him in the master bedroom before voicing his displeasure.

"Is there something wrong?" Sebastian asked while unbuttoning Ciel's ruffled white shirt.

"You dared to correct me in front someone? A solicitor no less?"

"My apologies bocchan. I won't do it again. I was just concerned that the man might not have understood what you had meant, since _conversated_ is not an actual English word..." Sebastian's tone reeked with thinly veiled amusement.

"I was unable to concentrate since you let that mongrel of a child do as she wished with me!" Ciel spat.

"My humblest apologies my lord."

As Sebastian knelt before him, Ciel grasped Sebastian's chin and forced his head upwards to face him.

"Understand this Sebastian. I need you for very specific reasons that I need not mention. However, correcting me in social situations is not one of them. I don't need you for that. I can cope with any social situation without you. Do I make myself clear?" Ciel said.

Sebastian had wanted to say something to the contrary, but decided he would keep his mouth shut for the meanwhile. He had better plans anyway.

"Yes my lord."

Later that night when it was time for Ciel to retire for the night, Sebastian had prepared for him a special blend of tea, which according to Sebastian was supposed to promote a good night's rest and pleasant dreams. It proved to be quite effective, as Ciel felt his eyelids become heavy mere minutes after drinking it.

"Good night bocchan. Pleasant dreams." Sebastian said, lingering in the doorway as Ciel drifted off.

Ciel did in fact have a very pleasant dream that night. Many of the details were a bit cloudy, but Ciel distinctly remembered the feelings of euphoria that accompanied them as he began to rouse. It was still dark in the room. Perhaps his sleep was so sound that he woke up in the middle of the night, completely rested, he wondered. It wasn't until after turning over slightly did he realize that the surface he was sleeping on was far too hard to be his bed and that the smooth feeling of his bare legs against the cool sheets was absent. He was fully clothed. He sprang upwards, wondering if he had somehow sleepwalked in the middle of the night and somehow ended up in another room of the Phantomhive manor. He felt carpet below his hands. However not the fine, hand woven carpet imported from China that adorned the floors in his own home. This was rough, unforgiving, and dare he say _cheap_.

Ciel stood up in his pitch dark surroundings, shuffling carefully, not knowing what dangers might lie ahead in the room. He would occasionally brush against an unknown object, often jumping back slightly as he was startled. Eventually he was able to see a single source of light in the form of a gap underneath a door, showing light through from the other side. He shuffled closer to the door, and as he got closer he was able to hear the din of activity beyond it. He heard voices, laughter, and occasional shouting...something he was having trouble making out.

_Have I been kidnapped? Yet again?_ He wondered.

He felt around the door, grasped the cool metal handle once he'd finally found it, and began to turn it nervously.

He squinted to focus as the bright light from the other side hit his face. Once his eyes had finally adjusted, he quickly convinced himself that he was having a hallucination. His surroundings were so completely foreign in appearance. It was cold and impersonal, with bright shining lights overhead radiating a color of light he was completely unfamiliar with. Taking a deep breath he panned around the hallway. At one end, it split off into two rooms labeled "Men" and "Women", and at the other end it seemed to join a larger hallway that had a large amount of people walking past.

Ciel slowly walked forwards towards the large hallway, both curious and nervous. His heart fluttered at the sudden assault on his senses, it was nearly too much to take in all at once. Thousands of people, all dressed more bizarrely than the next streamed past him.

"Butt scratcher!" Someone had called out with rising intonation, almost as if he were asking a question.

"Butt scratcher!" Everyone around him had chanted in unison.

Ciel wrinkled his nose in confusion as his eyes darted around, trying to make sense out of something... anything in this bizarre world he found himself in. He was staring fixedly at a shirtless young man with long flowing blonde hair and a metal arm, standing next to what seemed to be a suit of armor when suddenly he heard a woman scream to his left. He turned quickly towards the source of the blood curdling sound.

"Oh my god! You look amazing!"

The girl had ran up to him, but Ciel backpedaled a few steps upon realizing that she was wearing a suit nearly identical to his own. The blue jacket and pants were obviously of inferior quality, but what had really freaked him out was how her hair was styled the same way as his, and that she also was wearing an eye patch, just as he was. Ciel's mouth fell open, as he was unsure of how to respond to her. She was accompanied with three other girls, which fortunately weren't wearing anything resembling his own at all.

"Where did you get that hat? That was the only thing I couldn't find! Your jacket is so much nicer! And your shirt! Holy shit is that real silk?"

"Oh my god he's so cute! He looks like the real thing!"

Before he knew it more people were crowding around him, 'ooh'ing and 'aah'ing.

"Who...Who are you? Where am I? How did I get here? Why... Why are you dressed like me?" Ciel stammered as he backed away even further.

"Wow he's pretty good at acting in character isn't he?" One of them had said to the other.

"His voice even sounds like him!" Another girl said after yet another piercing scream,

"Can I hug you?"

"NO!" Ciel shouted as he was approached with open arms.

Turning on his heels he took off running through the crowd, hoping to get away from the group as fast as possible. He ran for what felt like miles through the seemingly endless hallway until he was out of breath. He sat down on the ground as he saw many others doing and took in the scenery.

_This is some kind of twisted masquerade. I must be in some form of hell. What did those people want with me? This must be another dream, it simply has to be. None of this is even possible._

Ciel was trying to rationalize in any way he could his reason for being here, wherever 'here' actually was when he spotted a familiar shade of purple roughly 15 feet from him. His heart skipped a beat as he looked upwards to the blonde hair.

"Trancy..." Ciel whispered, relieved only that Alois was facing away from him and seemed to not have spotted Ciel yet.

Realizing that he was in far greater danger than the thought, he hid behind a column, peeking out only occasionally to see if Alois was coming his way or not.

"Alois! He's over here!" Someone had called out behind him.

He whirled around angrily to face the person who'd given up his position. It was... UNDERTAKER? But not exactly, for this Undertaker was without a doubt, female.

"You stupid clod! Why would you do that!" Ciel barked.

He turned once again to Alois' position, where he was instantly spotted. Alois Trancy, wide eyed and mouth agape, brought his palms up to his cheeks in feigned surprise, and bolted towards him screaming;

"Oh my GOD! He's perfect!"

"Woot! It's rape time!" Ciel heard the female Undertaker shout as he sprinted yet again.

Ciel once again ran as fast and as hard as he could. He decided to try and hide in one of the many rooms he'd passsed until it was safe. Not sure which room to enter, he'd picked the one who's sign stated:

'YAOI drawing workshop'

He hadn't the slightest clue what the sign meant, but it seemed innocuous enough. He opened the door and slipped inside.

It was a classroom of sorts, with a few dozen 'students' sitting at the desks, pencils in hand, staring intently at the chalkboard. Ciel suddenly got weak in the knees, face blushing intensely. He ignored the fact that this 'chalkboard' was unlike any he'd ever seen, as it appeared to be a ghostly illuminated photograph, floating on the wall in a seemingly impossible fashion. What disturbed him so much about the image, was the fact that it depicted none other than himself and Sebastian, in an extremely compromising situation. It was as if every member of this carnival bizzare was reading his mind because if he were honest with himself, he'd thought of the same thing on occasion, forcing it out of his consciousness each time it happened.

"Now one thing important to note is how the uke's face should show a mixture of pain and pleasure. See the tears coming down his face and how he's gritting his teeth? Sebastian must be pretty well equipped right guys? Look he's tearing poor little Ciel up!" The woman at the head of the room, presumably the teacher in this classroom of perversion had said.

A roar of laughter filled the room as Ciel felt bile rising up in his throat. He thought he was going to be sick as the entire classroom started drawing the ghastly image. The sound of pencils scratching the paper all over the room was like insect wings fluttering all around him. Suddenly the teacher's gaze fell to him.

"Oh I think he might be here to demonstrate for us! Come on up here Ciel!" She laughed, pointing at him.

The entire room turned around to face him at once. Gasps and screams followed, as well as several comments to the effect of 'he's so cute!', and 'can I take him home?'.

Ciel backed away nervously, startled by the door that he'd forgotten was behind him. The room erupted in laugher as he swung the door open and dashed out of the room, slamming it behind him.

Once again in the hallway, Ciel found himself swooning. He could stand no more of this, and wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare at once. He called out for the only person who could save him from this twisted world.

"Sebastian!" Ciel cried out.

He thought he was going to be sick on the carpet as his head spun and his vision blurred.

"Yes my lord?" Ciel heard behind him.

Ciel turned around to face the familiar clothing and immediately started to feel comforted. He panned upwards to meet the face of the person before him. It certainly seemed like Sebastian, however the face appeared to be a bit younger, and grinning wildly. Ciel didn't want to take anything for granted as nothing seemed as it should here.

"Are you really Sebastian? Are you really my servant?" Ciel asked.

"I'm yours and only yours alone, bocchan." Sebastian replied, the depth of his voice filling Ciel with warmth. He wasn't ready to give in yet however.

"Prove it to me. I will only go with you if you can prove that you are truly my humble servant."

Sebastian had muttered something along the lines of 'ooh this one likes roleplay', but Ciel was unsure if he'd heard him correctly. Sebastian scratched his head in thought a few times, and then continued.

"It was very difficult to get you to wear that corset, but the dress looked quite lovely in the end, don't you think?"

Ciel pursed his lips and looked to the side, remembering the embarrassing incident. Damn him for having to mention _that_ of all things.

"Fair enough. Sebastian, I'm not feeling particularly well right now. I have no idea how I got into this crazy world, and would give anything to be back inside the Phantomhive mansion, in my own bed. However I don't think that will be possible for quite a while. Will you see to it that I have a place to rest for the night? Is there an inn here where we might be able to get a room?"

Sebastian's eyes widened as his lips curled into a sly grin.

"Oh I already have your room ready bocchan."

"Excellent. I'm fortunate enough to have a butler with such excellent foresight. However I would like some tea before bedtime. I'm not sure what time it is right now, but it certainly is past normal tea-time."

"Yes, of course my lord. Please come this way."

Ciel followed Sebastian down the corridor. Several times throughout the journey they had stopped while people asked to take their picture, the bright flash from their oddly shaped cameras making Ciel see spots.

"Are you guys going to the photoshoot on the 4th floor?" One girl, dressed in what appeared to be Lady Elizabeth's dress asked.

"No I'm afraid me and the young master have other plans for the night." Sebastian replied, winking.

Several of them had screamed in delight, much to Ciel's confusion.

They had finally reached their destination, a storefront bearing the name of "Starbucks". There was a display case with rather delicious looking pastries and treats, but Ciel decided against it as he only wanted tea to settle his stomach at the moment.

"Which tea would you like my lord? Earl Grey? Darjeeling?" Sebastian asked.

"I think the Earl Grey would calm my anxiety better."

"As you wish. Please wait right here."

Sebastian went to the counter and returned not with a cup made of fine china, but rather a cup made out of paper. While he scrunched his nose at the peasant-like way to serve a noble tea, he was beyond complaining at this point. Sebastian put a brown sleeve of paper around the cup before handing it to him.

"I put a sleeve on it so you wont burn your fingers, bocchan." Sebastian said.

"That's very kind of you Sebastian. Thanks." Ciel replied sarcastically.

Ciel sipped the tea through a small hole in the lid of the cup. It tasted like the Earl Grey he was familiar with, and as it washed down his throat he could immediately feel his anxiety begin to quell.

"Would you like to drink that on our way to the room?"

"Yes I would like to leave this place at once. The sooner you have me in bed, the better I think."

Sebastian chuckled to himself as he took Ciel's hand and began to lead the way.

"My young master doesn't like to waste time with formalities it seems." Sebastian said, just quietly enough for Ciel not to be able to hear him.

Sebastian lead Ciel down another series of corridors, through doorways, to wait in front of a door and then stepping inside a small room once the door opened, waiting there in silence for several seconds and then stepping outside of the room once the door had opened again, showing a completely different corridor than they had been in earlier. It was all too much for Ciel to comprehend, and he no longer had the energy to even care at this point.

Sebastian had opened one of the many doors in the hallway and led Ciel inside. It certainly wasn't what he was expecting. There were clothes strewn about, and the bed was unmade.

"Are you sure this is the right room Sebastian? I've never seen such a pigsty."

"My apologies my lord, I was so busy looking for you I didn't have the time to tidy up."

Ciel waved his hand dismissively, sitting down on the bed. He wanted to go to bed and hopefully wake up from this twisted dream as soon as possible. Sebastian remained at the door while Ciel had sat patiently, tapping his fingers on the edge of the bed.

"Well? Aren't you going to undress me?" Ciel asked impatiently.

"Y-yes... of course my lord." Sebastian said with a start, nearly tripping as he knelt down in front of Ciel.

Sebastian lifted one of Ciel's legs up and began unlacing his boots, sliding them off of his tired feet and throwing them to the side. The relief was welcome as his socks were slid off, exposing his aching calves and feet to the cool air in the room. Sebastian next slid Ciel's jacket off, and began unbuttoning his shirt. His hands were shaking as he unfastened one button at a time, and it even seemed that his breathing was erratic. The shirt was slid off of Ciel's small, smooth frame, and then the white gloved hand started to unfasten his shorts. Sebastian's hands were shaking worse than ever. Soon enough Sebastian had slid Ciel's shorts off and down his legs, leaving him completely naked.

Sebastian stared for a minute, and a droplet of sweat from his brow landed with a plop on Ciel's bare stomach.

"What are you waiting for? Aren't you going to put my nightshirt on?"

"Well, bocchan, I was thinking there was something else we might do beforehand."

"And what might that be?" Ciel asked, leaning back on his elbows.

Sebastian lowered his head once again and began doing _unmentionable_ things to Ciel's privates with his mouth, while one of his gloved hands twisted one of Ciel's nipples.

"S..SEBASTIAN!" Ciel shouted, squirming around on the bed, his face instantly turning beet red.

Using one of his feet Ciel, pushed Sebastian away and clambered backwards.

"Aah. You're into rape fantasy roleplay. I can do that."

"What?"

"Here, I read about this in a fanfic once, always wanted to try it."

Sebastian leapt onto the bed and grabbed a hold of one of Ciel's wrists and wrenched it behind his back, pinning him against the mattress.

"Aaahh! You're...You're not Sebastian! Get off of me!"

"Oh come on little Ciel, you know you've always wanted this."

Ciel managed to twist his body around enough to be able to plant his knee firmly in the imposter's crotch, causing him to double over in pain. Feeding off of instinct alone, Ciel leapt from the bed and dashed out of the room, not caring in the least that he was completely naked from head to toe. He streaked down the hallway screaming, somehow managing to find his way back to the elevator and figuring out how to take it to the 1st floor.

He needed to get back to the room he'd woken up in, which probably was the only way out of this. He started off running down the corridor through the crowds of people all of which were staring at his nakedness wide eyed. Soon enough he was being chased by nearly all of them. The entire mass, screaming and foaming at the mouth, was after him. He couldn't remember where the room was. He'd passed so many hallways and doorways and they all seemed to blur together now that he was running at breakneck speed.

Disaster loomed ahead, because directly crossing his path was a rotund woman dressed conspicuously like his servant Meilin, replete with a wobbling stack of plates. She turned her head to face him, her mouth going wide with shock as Ciel barreled towards her. Ciel could see through her thick-lensed glasses her eyes dart downwards to his manhood which was flopping around wildly as he sprinted. Blood squirted dramatically from her nose moments before Ciel collided with her, sending both of them and the stack of dishes tumbling to the ground.

"Owww." Ciel moaned as he rubbed his head.

He turned over onto his back, and stared in horror as what seemed like thousands of screaming girls (and guys) hovered over him. Camera flashes went off in rapid succession, turning his vision white. He felt a hand grope him, and then another, and then soon enough his body was being pawed at like an animal in a children's petting zoo.

He did the only thing left that he could. He screamed. He screamed at the top of his lungs, but the heavy petting didn't stop and if anything seemed to get worse. He was blind, bruised, and humiliated and it only seemed to get worse. He screamed until his throat was raw. The room went dark and silent. Yet he continued to scream until he was out of breath.

Fighting to catch his breath, he realized he was in his own room, sitting upright in his own bed as Sebastian appeared before him, lighting a lantern.

"Are you alright young master? It would seem you've had a nightmare of sorts." Sebastian said, a wide sarcastic grin adorning his face.

Ciel was soaked with sweat.

"You better not have had anything to do with this." Ciel said in between breaths.

Sebastian removed the sweat soaked nightshirt from Ciel's clammy body.

"Of course not bocchan. I would never do such a thing."

Ciel suddenly wrapped his arms around Sebastian's torso and squeezed him tightly, tears quietly flowing from his tightly shut eyes.

"Dammit." Ciel whispered.

Sebastian placed a hand on Ciel's shoulder and stroked his wet hair gently.

"You've nothing to worry about my lord. I'm always here for you, whether you think you need me or not."

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! I personally was laughing my ass off the whole entire time while writing it. If you've ever been to a con you'd completely understand how psychotic yaoi fangirls actually can be. Actually I'm sure that most of you out there are those very psychotic yaoi fangirls, which is why I love you. Please review! I really want to know what everyone thinks about this one!

P.S.: I'm still working on Darkroom. I didn't forget about it.


End file.
